Dealing With The Loss Of Your Beloved Pet

[jude09]

This topic can be quite emotional for many people and I have to admit that I'm one of those people. This is actually a very sensitive topic that pains me to write about.

Dealing with the loss of your pet isn't something easy that you can actually recover from after a few days. The bond that you and your pet shared for many years or even for a few months is something irreplaceable and very valuable. NOTHING can ever replace that bond.

The whole thought that my best friend will actually leave me in the future is really something can cause me to be misty eyed and feel pain in my heart.

This is the whole purpose of this article, to help people who have lost their pet to move forward, even for a little bit.

Here are some pointers that I hope can help you cope up with your loss:

* It's alright to grieve

Some people who haven't experienced how it feels to have such a loyal friend beside them may actually think that we're crazy for crying or grieving for our pets but let me say, it's ok to cry!

Holding that painful experience in will only cause you more pain and suffering so cry and cry until your heart's desire. Let it all out and be free from that painful feeling.

* Talk to friends and family

The best thing that you can do is simply talk to your friends and family about what you're going through. This is really one of those times when you will really need a friend or a family member to help you get through it and hold your hand.

* Give lots of attention to your pet that's left behind

This is only applicable if you have other pets that were left behind. It will not matter if the pet that was left behind was a cat or a dog as both pets will feel the loss and the change that the whole household has gone through.

One way you can help them to adjust is to simply give them lots of attention and pay attention to any change that they may be present.

* Don't get another pet if you're not 100% over it

One of the misconceptions that most dog owners have is that getting another pet immediately can somehow quickly heal the pain that they're feeling from the loss of their old one but actually this is something that isn't necessarily advisable.

Although it's ok to get another pet, before you do make sure that you're really 100% sure you are ready and committed for another pet. Getting a new pet simply because you want to get over the old one or to help you get over the pain that you're feeling is simply unfair to your future pet.

* Let go

These simple two words may be brief and direct to the point but they're one of the most difficult to do. You may be thinking; "How can you let go Jude?"

Well, first let me just say that letting go doesn't necessarily mean that you're letting go of the memories and the bond that you and your dog shared.

No, letting go means to finally accept that fact that your dog is gone, that you will not see your dog anymore, that you will not be able to play with him/her anymore BUT even if you can't see, feel or hear your dog anymore, the fact is that those bond and those memories that you've both shared is something that will always be in your heart.

Letting go simply means being at peace with yourself and letting go of the grief, guilt, denial and anger that you may be feeling.


I hope that this simple article can help other dog owners in dealing with their loss.

[karmapug]

Bogie developed seizures only a couple of months ago. He wasn't even 5 years old. We ruled out Pug Dog Encephalitis and a brain tumor and everything else the dog neurologist said it could be except epilepsy. He was on a new medication and did well for a while, but then cluster seizures started and they changed him to phenobarbital and the seizures wouldn't stop. Eventually he was on valium and potassium bromide, too, in addition to the pheno and he was still having seizures that left him blind and deaf for a while. He was walking into walls and furniture and hitting his head and his eyes. He was at the vet specialty clinic for several long stays to see if they could get the cluster seizures to stop. Finally he wound up unable to stand up on all the medication to stop the seizures and with brain damage from all the seizures he had, blind in one eye and I had to let him go. It was really hard because he was so young and he went downhill so fast and I was so upset and exhausted from all the seizures and taking care of him. He died May 12.

He was cremated and for a short while I added his remains to the "collection" of cremated pets that my now deceased mother and I had been accumulating since 1986. We had 13 cremated pets on a bookshelf in urns with pictures and mementos and that was enough. I took them all to Rolling Acres Pet Cemetery and they are all buried together, four to a grave, with little tombstones soon to come. It's been a tough, grief-filled couple of months. Here's a picture of my sweet Bogie......

[Blackshadow]

Hi Karmapug , I am so sorry for your loss. I know what it's like to lose a loved pet, as over time they become much more than just a house pet.

[Sarah]

I'm sorry about Bogie Karmapug. It's difficult to lose a pet that you love so much. They do become a family member, and sometimes even more important than two legged family members. You must know that Bogie is in a better place and He didn't suffer.

[MaryAnn]

I came across the following article dealing with the grief of losing a member of the pack......

Dealing with Grief in a Pack by Martin Deeley.....

How do you help a dog cope with the loss of a pack member, for example when one dog in a multi-dog household dies? Martin Deeley explores the topic.

Do dogs have emotions? Do they grieve at the loss of another dog or a family member? In my experience, yes they do. Dogs pick up on the emotions of others and have feelings of their own, but the intensity of those emotions depend on many aspects. It depends on the dog’s family, his lifestyle, the relationship with the deceased, the relationship with the human members of the family, and the attitude and emotions of family members dealing with the death of their beloved dog. One can define the word “emotion” as “a mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.’ In the case of a death, the emotion can be distress, sorrow, grief and related feelings that we may describe as emptiness.”

A dog that has lost a companion may show signs of emotional distress with a lack of appetite, aloof behavior, or even be demanding of attention and affection. We have to remember that when a living animal relates to another for a long period of time, they do develop relationships; they do create habits, routines, boundaries and even rules around each other. When suddenly one of the ‘partners’ is no longer there, the dynamic changes. Good, safe, habits and routines create confidence, trust, certainty and familiarity with the world. Now with the death of a companion, it is like having to overcome an addiction of sorts, an ingrained habit that they find difficulty in losing. With some dogs, it can be extreme because they may have built a strong bond with the deceased partner. They have followed them, been guided by them, exercised with and been entertained by them. The world has revolved around the partner. Even dogs that are leaders can find themselves left with a feeling of loneliness, with no one to lead and no one to share with – they have lost the feeling of being wanted and part of a pack.

It may sound anthropomorphic, but I am certain this is one of the main reasons for dogs showing grief. Confidence and a feeling of belonging to a pack disappear with the loss of the other dog. In some instances this may even result in separation anxiety when the dog is left alone, now with no companion. There have even been instances of dogs not being able to separate themselves from their deceased companion, sitting next to the grave for days. Remember the story of Greyfriars Bobby, so devoted to his master John Gray, even in death, that this faithful dog kept constant watch and guard over the grave for fourteen years until his own death in 1872.

Dogs cannot speak to let us know what they are thinking, so we have to read their body language, behavior and general demeanor to know how they are feeling. Of course, we can misread what they are thinking and feeling, and sometimes they can simply be reflecting our own feelings and emotions. Therefore, you may think their emotions stem from the loss of companion when really they are reacting to our exhibited emotions.

In 1996, the ASPCA conducted a study, which found that 36 percent of dogs ate less after the death of a canine companion, 11 percent stopped eating completely, and 63 percent vocalized more or became quiet. Many slept in different places from where they had slept before and over a half of the surviving dogs became more affectionate, even to the extent of being clingy with their owners. They had lost their confidence, their security blanket, and their way of life and, without clear help and direction, were mentally lost.

So what can we do to minimize and overcome the grieving? It may not always be possible, but try to think ahead when you know that one of your dog’s companions may pass on. We should always be the pack leader, but even more so now. Engage your dog in activities she enjoys--walks, retrieving, swimming, games--and do these by yourselves. Do not feel guilty about leaving the companion behind; he will most likely enjoy the break, the rest, and the relaxation away from being the leader.

Over the years I have had as many as thirteen dogs, and have been able to watch their behavior at the loss of a companion. Today my wife and I are down four dogs and two cats, all of which get along well with one another. Even though our dogs are friends--run together, play together and sleep together--when one crosses over to doggy heaven, the others do not show excessive emotions. However, when my ol’ Becky passed over the Rainbow, there was no doubt that her son and the younger dogs searched for her. They were waiting to see her holding court around the paddock. She was the matriarch, the lead dog, but not the leader. I maintain the leadership in my home, and that is the reason I believe I have few behavioral problems when one of the ‘team’ passes away.

I initiate the playtime with my dogs and spend time with them. My dogs are rarely alone, and always have me as a companion. Now, not everyone maintains this type of lifestyle, has the time nor even wishes to have it. But it does make a big difference when a companion dog dies and we have to take leadership and guide the remaining dogs into activities to take their mind off of the situation. If we have shown leadership before the death, the transition to being an only dog becomes much easier. And while we will also be grieving, we cannot outwardly show it or it can reflect back on our remaining dog.

We have to live for our living dog, and she needs help to see her through these times. In helping her, we do actually help ourselves. A calm, confident and kind hand while still maintaining boundaries and limitations with clear communication is essential. The reason? Some dogs will see our affection and our kindness as a sign of weakness in the pack and will feel they have to take over. It may not be obvious to you when doing it, but beware of rewarding bad behavior because you feel depressed yourself and sorry for your dog. Allowing your dog at this time to take advantage of you and behave badly will become the new habit unless you show the correct way to behave. Our job as a leader never stops. In fact this is what helps a dog through these times. They look for assurance, they look for confidence, they look for leadership to be able to deal with the unknown and they look initially to us to provide it. Your dog should not feel alone--she has you.

*** And while the thought may cross your mind, I suggest you DO NOT rush out to replace your deceased dog. Wait a while; give your remaining dog a chance to become familiar with the situation. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that because she--and you--miss her old buddy a new one will be a perfect replacement. Some dogs not only become accustomed to being an only dog, but actually prefer it. So take the time and think it through. The loss of a dog is difficult for both you and your remaining dog or dogs, but you can be a support for one another, helping each other through these times and bringing you even closer.

[karmapug]

I'm still having a hard time dealing with the loss of my Bogie dog and my cat Tang. They were both so young and died so close together. But I read an idea that I think I'm going to pursue as a memorial to both of them. Even though it still feels too soon to adopt another pet, this article suggested trying to get another pet from a shelter or a rescue agency a home with someone else by sort of "mentoring" them -- getting their story (if it can be found) or at least their description (and maybe their picture) out and placing an ad about them in the local paper or online. Taking them on as a cause and trying to get them, specifically, a good home. In the process of getting them a home, you might increase the traffic into the shelter or the calls to the rescue organization and get other pets adopted, too. I thought it was a neat idea and a great way to help animals long before you might be ready to adopt another one yourself.

[Sarah]

Karmapug I lost my Rottweiler, Buddy going on 5 years now, and I'm not quite sure I have totally let him go yet. What I did to honor Buddy was to write his Eulogy for no one else but me. It did help in the sense, that his death did not go unnoticed, and I honoured him as a friend. Do I miss him, absolutely. In fact I cry everytime I write about him.

Buddy was the first dog I have had that actually showed he had the same 6 senses as I do, and used them when they were needed. My attitude about a dog before buddy was that "they were just a dog".

Instead of getting another dog, I got a Cat, and I learned that I could train a cat like I train a dog, with the same love, respect and repetition.

I rescued a stray cat I found in my house, who ended up pregnant, and had 4 kittens. It hurt to find them homes also, I wished I could have kept them, but through the humane society we got them fixed tattooed and found good homes for all of them.

I think it's an excellent idea that you want to provide a temporary home for animals and I pray you do adopt another dog and cat from this process.

Good luck to you and hugs.

[VanillaDaisies]

Losing my dog was like losing a part of me that will never be replaced.I didn't even get to say goodbye but from my mistake I will always remember to
take them to the vet every year.Daisy had a disease that could have been treated sooner but we found out to late, and when I came back from my vacation, she was gone.

[Sarah]

I'm so sorry Vanilla, I know it's difficult.

[Barb K]

We lost two boxers last year one in may and one in July. It tore me up, they had cancer. So after a few months I got a puppy boxer who filled some of the loss. After he got to be about 4 months old we rescued a female, our life has filled up. the one thing I learned was to watch what goes into there mouths. I do believe if we had known about what goes into dog food we would have changed what they ate and they may have lived longer.